there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
