Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
