Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
