I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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