I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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