I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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