I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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