She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
