it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize