my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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