So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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