Can i not drive my cunt home
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
