By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
