dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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