She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
