I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
