Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
