I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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