Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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