well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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