Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
