I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
