The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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