What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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