no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
