Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
