my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize