Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
