Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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