We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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