Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
