My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
