i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We named our party play list daddy issues
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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