May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
