btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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