i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
