when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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