This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
