You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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