she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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