I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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