I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just high enough for therapy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize