Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
