i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
