I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
