Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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