so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize