im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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