I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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