well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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