New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
