Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
