I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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