Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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