he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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