The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
