i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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