you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
