Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
