We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
