I met the friendliest cop last night
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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