look no pants
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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