you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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