Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
did you just send me my own nude
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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