Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
