i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
