You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
