i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
